Today.

Today I’m going to write. This is something that I’ve been saying to myself from the past couple of days.  But whenever ‘today’ comes, it comes with a hesitant jolt. It makes me wonder where did I lose my ‘today’, whether in the endless creases of the bed sheet that caresses me all day or in the never ending loop between Instagram’s stories and Snapchat’s mindless streaks.

So, ‘today’ passed again. I felt like checking up on a friend but I didn’t. Also, probably because I do believe in the saying that says you cannot pour from an empty cup. But that’s okay, you can always text them. That way a whole cascade of pretending to be okay in the moment can be avoided and I guess it’s okay to be this way on some days, a little voided.

‘Today’, I read somewhere that love grips you by the hand and makes you stay but that made me sit down and question a whole lot. Perhaps that's why all the silly but honest analogies I made about love went into vain. Remember talking on the phone after midnight, trying to stay awake? Remember feeling a little less alone the next day, a little less afraid? True love never lets you go but Oh, what do I know?

I watch the news every day. I see people dying every day. It starts to feel numb at one point but it sends chills down your spine thinking anyone you love could be next. It’s scary and saddening to the bones.  All you see is helplessness and the unending grief buried under the gravestones. Life is so important and yet so easy to lose, I wonder what ever stays except the indefinite soul’s bruise.

So ‘today’, when I said I’m going to write something, I didn’t know what. There was a lot to say and yet very little to portray. But I knew I at least have the imperfect worn out creases of my bed sheet to remind me that even in the moments when you’re flooded with countless different thoughts of pain and agony, nothing has to be perfectly fine to go back to. You're not going to feel this way forever. After all, it’s just a day. Today. 

Or atleast that's something you can hold on to.

Shipra Sharma